Yesterday

It seems like yesterday when I was with you,

Happy, motivated, self-caring, concentrated

By now we achieved so much

Built many houses, touched many lives

Created, multiplied, all justified.

 

But now I’ve spread my wings so wide

My influence is barely quantified

One foot front and one foot back

Why does it seem that every step forward

Seems further away from where I want to be

 

 

The place I long to see is in the past

Where I was young and free

I’ve convinced myself that it was truly the best me

And suppressed all the bad versions of thee

 

Buddhas of this generation

We’d all been becoming, Buddhas of this generation
Messiahs with a message, To stop the mass destruction
Intuitive we have been blessed with the power that many obsessed and
when put to the test revealed different disorders,
When all that is wrong is society bored down to This Order.

Humbly we conform to the ways of this world, when other spiritual text tells us,
Not to.
We eat and medicate to counteract the way we naturally feel.
So much so that we are told that this can heal, and take away our ordeal.
What I feel is not something others can repeal, not be solved in just one meal.

I’m being put in a box, not even I can unlock.
In conforming I start to wonder, am I ever going to the Me I wished to Be?
To be free and the person who never has to too much vitamin D?
Have I lost a part of myself the one that can touch many lives,
Live on trees and have several different cups of tea.

Hanging by a Thread …

I’m hanging on to you

Like a Thread

Trying to live without a care

But all that fills my heart and mind

Are feelings and thoughts of despair

Emptiness and loneliness

Despite having lived a rich and full life

Surrounded by loved ones,

Friends, Family, without strife.

The threads are made out of strands

Love, Joy, Hope and Peace

Faithfulness, Kindness,

Self-Control.

Faith, I planted many mustard seeds

I want them to grow.

Hanging on to your promise

Seeing small shoots but where are the fruits?

Stuck in the snow.

One day I am encouraged,

The next I am down.

I pray and dream of the day

Where I am wearing the crown.

The Rolling Stone of Education

It has been two weeks since I have started my time in a school – TEACHING. I have had the opportunity to explore different classes, shadowing other teachers. My peers from school are already in the middle of starting their own businesses, flying in there careers in finance, medicine, law, embarking on property development (possibly the most lucrative business if you have the money to start off with) etc.

One might wonder … What am I doing, being a teacher?

I do ask myself that question everyday. This is me trying to rationalize my thoughts.

I have noticed a few things in the last few days. Teachers are the humblest people ever. They have to be so committed to the student’s growth and learning. The one’s that are appreciated the most are strict, firm but caring and friendly at the same time which makes them an actor, a chameleon. The older generation of teachers seem to have gone in to the professional involuntarily. Many of them asked me: “Why did you not pursue architecture? Why did you come to teaching?”. Some of them do appear very passionate about teaching, but i feel that this was cultivated along the way.

The younger wave of teachers at Sri KL consist of those who choose to be in education either directly out of a teaching diploma/degree or those who have chosen to be there from other professions. The range comes from marketing, accounting, biological research, investment banking, drama and most recently, architecture. Many have forsaken the corporate work life which was not only stressful but perhaps meaningless for some. No doubt the teaching profession can also be stressful in different ways, but I am waiting to see if the returns of putting effort in to your student’s learning will ultimately be rewarding in the long run.

I have always pursued a life of meaning and good will over a future of monetary wealth and riches, as the years past, it gets increasingly difficult to maintain these ideals. Having been given every possible opportunity in life has allowed me to make this decision. In someways i have been a rolling stone, picking up skills here and there but until now, not building any empire of my own. Be it a dance team, my own charity, art, a business, I have always moved on after a few years leaving others to be the beneficiaries of our joint effort of ideas and hard work. Perhaps this is a wake up call for me to learn some perseverance. Either way, I treat all my experiences in life as a process of constant learning. Sadly, I do realize that my biggest failure is not sticking to the cause and persevering through it. Part of me hates the commercialization of things, when something gets too popular, it loses it’s intimacy and personal touch. Not good for someone wanting to grow a following for a business, or even humanitarian work.

Teaching, no doubt will bring about many epiphanies. One I had so far, was at a year 11 class (Form 5) where I held a double period of a discussion. I wanted to encourage them to support their views on certain key topics through a verbal argument. The topics i raised ranged from child labour, to sports’ impact on education, vernacular education etc. The one I want to go in to was the “digitalization of education”.

We spoke about the future of a paperless classroom, with IPads to take notes instead of physical notes. One student commented on a ‘digital teacher’. Not having a physical presence but the benefit of an online teacher was that the teacher would have infinite amount of knowledge on the subject that they are learning. This was implying that they thought that their teachers did not know all the answers to their questions. Which was a bad thing.

I seemed to agree with them on this topic until I read a blog post on teaching this morning.

http://teacherslifeforme.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-role-of-teachers.html

The blogger, Michael Soskil went on to explain that if future generations are to prosper, we need to find ways to change schools from places of information gathering to places of learning.

I found this to be very helpful. Indeed as information gathering is getting easier through the internet, effort must be put in class to redefine the meaning of LEARNING.

Our world as we know it is not always filled with black and white or right and wrong. Things are changing faster than ever.

Adaptation is the key.

Perhaps there will be a time for the rolling stone to finally gather more varieties of moss?

peace & love,

MISS SU

call me MISS SU

It has been about a week since I have started my new life as a teacher. YES, a high school teacher at Sri KL school in Subang Jaya, Malaysia. For years, since leaving Dean Close, education and teaching has been at the back of my mind. I left my British Boarding School with good memories, and wanting to share this experience with people.

Years after that, I am finally pursuing this inclination. I don’t know if you can really call it a dream, as teaching is one of the most unglamorous, lowly paid jobs there is to offer in Malaysia. Unlike countries like Finland, Singapore and Great Britain where it is said, and i know of my family and ex-peers who have deliberately chosen and been chosen out of the BRIGHTEST pool of kids, it is not so in our country Malaysia. It is sad when a country does not invest the best minds in to the education sector. Surely it should be the place where people who are capable and passionate are encouraged to shape the lives of the young.

Teach For Malaysia is doing a great job at this, and I had actually started my application to join the government sector, to work in the local school who are most in need. In fact I still am thinking about it, however I got a job in Sri KL, a good private school so I took the job. “Students need help everywhere” where the words out of my father’s mouth.

Admittedly, it has been a very smooth introduction, coming from ZERO teaching background, the school has allowed me to come in at the end of this academic year to shadow some English teachers and to get used to the life in school. I will be joining the English department as well as helping in Art and Physical Education. I hope to also coaching to school basketball team.

I am faced with a choice of becoming a STRICT, authoritative teacher, or an accessible, friendly one. Who know’s which I will choose. In any case, the ability to command the respect as a teacher is very important. A fresh, young face like me will have to put much effort in to this.

Anyway, do share if you have any thoughts on teachers, education or on how i can be a good one !

Beware of that girl

Beware of that girl
She’ll make you feel whole again
Like you were never before
She’ll mend all your wounds
And lick all the sores

Beware of that girl
She’ll make you want to
Spend every night
Hugging her so hard
Like a pillow so tight

Beware of that girl
She goes through those
Ups and those downs
Her smile is as lethal
As her heart wrenching frowns

Beware of that girl
Though some do it on purpose
This one is unintentional
Daringly open hearted
But suddenly all her emotions
Just departed

Beware of that girl
She cares for your soul
Both dived in to love
For awhile
As precious as gold

Beware of that girl
Because that girl is me
I hope you handle
But really if you cannot
I’ll let you leave for free

Beware of that girl
It’s not that she doesn’t care
She just understands
You have your fair share
She wants you to experience
Her High Happy times
But needs someone who can
Play her hard snare
And take the look of an
Emotionless stare

Normal

Written on 9 August 2014

Normal let’s you get up in the morning
You go to work, eat, love, pray and hopefully cut out some mourning,
Your soul and life,
Can No longer soaring
In this routine, stableness
No it’s not Boring.

Normal is Nice
Your heart as cold as ice
It let’s you live a day longer
Not once, not twice but thrice.
Maybe your will find pleasure
Spending your evenings
With your eyes
Glued to Miami Vice

Normal is a trade.
It allows your mum to sleep at night.

So what’s wrong?
With being …

Normal.

How it is …

Oh, you ask me. 

How is it to feel the extreme highs and the deepest lows.

A sense of euphoria, natural inspiration, energy, abounding love,

without the substances.

A stab,

In the heart, worst, in the soul,

is bearable. 

But the dark times emerge 

In a state a lonely state of a silent whisper

A state of numb

and for days, weeks, months,

you feel absolutely nothing. 

To feel or not to feel.

Is that a question? 

Balance is boring 

Stability feels like a cancer growing and eating away my soul.

My personal definition of

‘ALIVE’

must be different from most others.

to breathe, eat, sleep

to drink, be merry and be happy

to serve, inspire and change

are all valid.

Yet, I am forever stuck in my head

ideas are imprisoned in themselves

until it comes out in a form of 

an unstoppable energy flow

for days, i work, sleepless nights

and before anything materializes, 

the Burn, it comes.

I collapse in to another world.

It is dark. 

and the cycle of polar opposites wait. 

paused. like a cassette on repeat. 

Ilham no.2 (3rd series)

days later, 12 March 2014

Tears fallin the night after I drove away from you,

Two passionate and strong minded individuals

Tried a life together.

It did not work out with the differences in CORE BELIEFS.

If you do not LOVE me enough to try,

Why?

Should I give up what I believe in for YOU?

Your promises are empty to me. 

Putting a relationship “FIRST” never works,

as you always put yourself first. 

I told you my views of FAITH being the CORE.

You did not accept it,

is it me or YOU THAT IS BLIND?

Ilham no.1 (3rd series)

Within A Few Hours: 12 March 2014

I think of you most in the Morning,

Lingering,

Throughout the day,

the memories does not seem to leave me alone. 

I miss your touch, your care and the conversation.

Is that what brings us to the conclusion of together forever?

Evidently it is not enough. 

We used to share so much,

and within a few hours, we are mere strangers.