How it is …

Oh, you ask me. 

How is it to feel the extreme highs and the deepest lows.

A sense of euphoria, natural inspiration, energy, abounding love,

without the substances.

A stab,

In the heart, worst, in the soul,

is bearable. 

But the dark times emerge 

In a state a lonely state of a silent whisper

A state of numb

and for days, weeks, months,

you feel absolutely nothing. 

To feel or not to feel.

Is that a question? 

Balance is boring 

Stability feels like a cancer growing and eating away my soul.

My personal definition of

‘ALIVE’

must be different from most others.

to breathe, eat, sleep

to drink, be merry and be happy

to serve, inspire and change

are all valid.

Yet, I am forever stuck in my head

ideas are imprisoned in themselves

until it comes out in a form of 

an unstoppable energy flow

for days, i work, sleepless nights

and before anything materializes, 

the Burn, it comes.

I collapse in to another world.

It is dark. 

and the cycle of polar opposites wait. 

paused. like a cassette on repeat. 

And Life on 11 Feb 2014

And Life,

life just seems not to exist,

When you grow up and get told of

THE LIST,

That you are meant to fulfil

You get asked “what drives you?”

Is it money, helping others or creating?

And you realize you can’t do one without the other.

Asked to choose,

Left in limbo.

Staring in to the uncertainty of the abyss

That is called

THE FUTURE

The 21st Move of the Rape Victim

After writing a poem called “20 movements of a rape victim”

which can be found on http://wp.me/p1DmcL-x

I write the 21st Movement, and it goes a little something like this:

21.

The date is 5.5.2013

They stole it from us again

The idea of democracy pissed on

The migrants came in planes and trains

Only to tarnish our already infamous name

The people who took to the steets wanting to use a cane

And the authorities did not even hang their heads in shame

They blamed the middle earth’s tsunami

Contradictory to their slogan

1 Malaysia is meaningless

Meaningless, everything is meaningless

On the black, very black 5th of May

You can rape our country

But we remain standing strong

United, JUSTICE never gives up

and one day it will come

The NATIONAL LINE, you are going down !

peace & love,

sudechabei

a terrible tuesday tale from doha

So …. today a ‘friend’ of mine got stranded in Doha Airport. Sam was on her way back from the elections and cheekily setting off the smoke alarm inside the airplane toilet. She got escorted out of the plane by airport security who took her to the central police station in Doha, Qatar.

After several rounds of interrogation she was thrown in to prison for for the afternoon before going for the prosecution hearing about her case of illegally smoking in the airplane toilet.

It was not all bad, she made some life long friends in jail.

The majority of the inmates were indonesians and from the Philippines. Most of them were ‘love’ cases. Did you know that you can get arrested for having public displays of affection, and you can be detained for up to 1 year before your hearing in Doha?

There were also a group of Indians and Sri Lankans who were there because of problems with work. One woman from Tamil Nadu had her boss ask for her hand in marriage. She turned him down because she had a husband and child back in Tamil Nadu as a result of this, he called the police and they threw her in jail.

But …. the winners were the Kenyan and American girl she met in jail.

Anna, from Kenya worked in the airport for years. She received a huge sum of $200,000 dollars transferred in to her bank account and immediately out again. She spotted this and reported it to the police. The police accused her of being involved. hello … WHY WOULD SHE REPORT IT IF SHE WAS INVOLVED.

the grand winner must be Grace from California. Her and the husband relocated to Doha last July after adopting two Ghanian children legally. One of her children was dying under mysterious circumstances and she rushed the kid to the hospital. When the child did not make it, the police came. They questioned Anna and then proceeded to arrest Anna and her husband. She was charged for Murder and Child Labour (she explained to them that she made the children do house chores). Apparently in Qatar, chores are considered as child labour as most of the locals employ househelps/maids to do everything around the house.

WOW. what an experience Sam must have had.

mind-blowing, eyeopening …

peace & love,

sudechabei

a terribly delayed TUESDAY tale ……

hi apologies for the delayed post, i am now in Johor Bahru, drove down yesterday from Kuala Lumpur. It was quite an entertaining drive thanks to “the morning zoo” crew on TRAXXFM 90.3 they kept me entertained with some thought provoking discussion.

“is money the most important thing is a marriage?”

i rang them up, although i am very far from being wed, i thought i would give some of my views on MONEY$$ as i am due to make an art piece for wei-ling gallery on this topic.

1. your obsession on money is nurtured by how you were brought up. If your parents raised you in a way, or if they were role models that worked purely for the sake of making money and more money. you too will have that same attitude in life. not saying it is a bad thing, just an observation.

2. for me, i come from a privileged background, with no siblings to squabble over sharing things, however i feel i have been raised with the motto “money is not everything, but it is a tool for helping others”. this is obviously when you have made enough money to take care of yourself and your family.

3. i feel sorry for those who are a slave to money, who make millions, billions and trillions, yet still cannot stop and enjoy it as it becomes a matter of power and status.

4. quote shared to me from my twin “money is the root of evil and the lack of money is also the root of evil”

I felt like a made a substantial contribution, and i do not think the DJ’s on the morning zoo thought that they would be engaging in such a deep conversation over the phoneline at 8am on a tuesday morning! oh well.

here is a continuation of the running poem i started awhile ago … more MOVEMENTS OF A RAPE VICTIM !

28th June 2011

a few days after the launch of the second cleaning rally,
they verbally raped my favourite poet,
asked him “WHO BUY YOU BALLY?”
they don’t know how real wars are fought
and some people just cannot be bought
for real wars involve passion and creativity
and real artists are the furthest beings from iniquity
600 eagles today were the only ones to claim their share
as well as the useless “eye” who sit and stare
i feel sorry for those who can’t sleep in bliss
for no amount of money/BOTOX can buy happiness

(written as a response to the interrogation of Pak Samad, Malaysia’s national laureate and the 600 UMNO rempits that surrounded the PKR headquaters yesterday, 28th June 2011 while the “mata” – police next door did not take any action. At the same time they are arresting people for communism and for wearing yellow shirts. what is becoming of our nation?)

always spreading PEACE & LOVE,
SuDeChaBei
xxx

terrible TUESDAY tales: Rape Victim

I presented this yesterday at the arTEAfar-TEAparty, thanks to all that came and donated to the 2 causes – Negeri Johor PKR and to Pusat Bantuan Sentul, in total we raised RM363!

So this is a story from my HEART, it stems down 3 generations of my family. It’s a bit long, but if you read it carefully and know a lil about Malaysian history/politics, it should be interesting.

20 Movements of a Rape Victim

1.

This is a story about how a ‘being’ was defined,
And needs a fresh start of Justice.
It is not about an individual
But a collective of people,
In a beautiful land that has been a victim of RAPE
Over several decades, taking its people, resources, freedom of expression & unity.

“RAPE cannot be taken lightly, don’t do it;
It breaks your spirit and steals your confidence.”
-Zoya Jamlaney

2.

The year 1948

My name is Malaya, derived from the Sanskrit term
Malaiur or Malayadvipa,
Which can be translated as “land of mountains”.
I am a rich and prosperous land with
Beautiful people from around Asia,
I started provided for the original people,
And soon welcomed immigrants from the mountains,
The middle country and the body of water

The year 1963

In the past 15 years I gained 3 siblings:
Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore.
My father Tunku loved us very much.
He named us MALAYsia.
Obviously he might have had his favorites
But he was still a good dad.
I loved him and he loved me.

3.

The year 1965

Sister Singapore was becoming too strong and
Dad could not keep her under control.
She kept attending these PAP ‘parties’
And dad did not like it. So she was asked to leave.
It was a sad time, but I think it did her good,
Her dream is to become a successful international model. Something dad would never have let her do.

4.

March 24, 1968

I am 20 years old. Yesterday I met a man,
A.k.a. ‘Mr. Opposition’
As he threw the best “opposition parties”

The parties were called ‘MOVEMENT’ parties.
They turned out to be very educational.
The ‘movement’ taught me about equality, integrity, hope, and to act always, without fear or favor.
Although ‘Mr. Opposition’ had his differences with my father, Tunku, dad always respected him greatly.

So I was introduced to my first true friend, Movement and alongside him, Dr. M&M and I looked up to them very much.

5.

Movement, the noun defines:
the act or process of moving; specif.,
a. a motion or action of a person or group
b. a shift in position
c. an evacuation (of the bowels); also, the matter evacuated

6.

May 13th, 1969

There were some tensions between some of my friends,
The ‘people of the mountains’ and
The people from the ‘middle country’
It was a power struggle and both parties
Wanted to push their ideals for the sake of my future.

It ended with the bloodshed of more than
FIVE thousand people in just one day
It started in “new village”
This was when the RAPING started.

7.

Movement defines:

A particular manner of moving

d. A series of organized activities by people working concertedly toward some goal
e. The organization consisting of those active in this way

8.

The year of 1970

I think God was crying for our country because this year we had the greatest flood, which really took a toll on Kuala Lumpur, my heart capital.

The movement party also betrayed the people by joining forces with Dr. M&M, therefore Mr. Opposition decided to stop partying with them.

9.

Movement defines:

A tendency or trend in some particular sphere of activity

10.

The year of 1973

After the terrible riots of May 13th,
The alliance of the National Line was formed.
It appeared to all my foreign friends to be the start of
‘One united Malaysia’ promoting harmony and peace but,
They had a dark secret obsession with rape,
Backstabbing us from behind, it hurt the most
When Movement and Dr. M&M joined them.
I felt so betrayed because I thought they were my friends,
I thought they would always protect me. Like a FATHER
Instead they kicked my father, Tunku out as well.
He could not do anything and was defeated.

11.
Movement defines:

The pacing, specif. the rapid pacing, of the incidents in a literary work

12.

The 1980s

The people from the middle country,
Have been forced out against their will.
The body of water has started being drained out.

“When Malaysia was formed, I expected to see
The people of the mountains, middle country and
The body of water in a place of equality
But now why can I only see the mountains?”
– Mr. Opposition

13.

Movement defines:

The effect or representation of motion in painting, sculpture, etc.

14.

The year of 1986
There was a rogue ‘army marksman’
Who on an apparent craze started shooting people?
With 400 rounds of M-16 ammunition
Down the lonely streets of Chow Kit
How he first, managed to ‘steal’, second even
Move with so much weapons from the army barracks,
I do not know.
When the police came to arrest him,
They did not open fire despite the weak effort of the
‘Army marksman’ causing havoc down Chow Kit Road
Instead they were very peaceful and the army general
Gave the marksman a hug when he put his weapons down.

15.

Movement defines:

MILITARY
A change in the location of troops, ships, etc., as part of a maneuver

COMMERCE
A change in the price of some stock or commodity

MECHANICAL
The moving parts of a mechanism; esp., a series of connected moving parts e.g. the movement of a clock

MUSIC
Any of the principal divisions of a symphony, sonata, or other extended composition

16.

April 1st, 1987

Mr. Opposition received a gift from Mother Nature.
On April fools day of 1987, in the form his 3rd granddaughter. She was the child of his second son,
‘The knowledgeable light’ and his wife ‘the refined orchid’
She was named ‘the natural beauty’.

But life really does play a fool on you sometimes because on

October 27th, 1987

The governing parties held a ‘weeding operation’ in order to
Crack down on opposition leaders and social activists.
This was ordered by my ex-beloved Dr. M&M

The operation saw the arrest of
106 persons under the ISA,
The revoking of the publishing licenses of two dailies,
The Star and the Sin Chew Jit Poh
As well as two weeklies, The Sunday Star and Watan

The ‘weeding operation’ hosted a party in the midst of the mountains and they had banners reading:

“Drown the mountain’s trees in the middle countries blood”
Said a young emerging chief of the mountains –
“Dr. Osmah Naj Iban”

He started by just supporting his father but ended up tripping on this really bad party.

The two “doctors”, Dr. M&M and Dr. Osmah Naj Iban then proceeded to carry on with more rape.

17.

The year of 1995

As Mr. Opposition’s health deteriorated after 2 strokes,
His 2nd son, ‘the knowledgeable light’ emerged.
Like his father he had the same strength, precision,
Integrity, determination, motivation and passion

He was headhunted by Movement and decided to
Put the past aside, he had the romantic and idealistic intentions of change his old friend’s heart.
The aim was to stop people like Dr. M&M and
Dr. Osmah Naj Iban from ever raping me again.

18.

October 14th, 1996

I am distraught but at the same time glad,
Mr. Opposition has just passed away after
Fighting for his life for 3 years, 3 months and 3 days.
He was bedridden for this period of time after his
Second stroke and it took him this long to pass on.
Everyone who respected and loved him came to his funeral including Dr. M&M and Dr. Osmah Naj Iban,
Indeed, I was very surprised.

Amongst the people at the funeral was an emerging leader,
The dangerous brain behind the Asian Renaissance
Sometime in 96’ when the Q.o.E was here
They tried to put him in a ‘Frame for Seduction’
Failed, so he was jailed for corruption
Just cos’ he appreciated art and
They weren’t feeling so smart
They made him out to be
A queer individual,
They shifted all the blame
Of all the RAPINGS on him
7 years in jail he sat,
4½ times the works of Shakespeare he read,
But he emerged a new man with a much stronger stand.

19.

The issues escalated and soon,
The victims of rape became identity, morality
The country’s stability, they blamed the ‘Lord’s name in vain’
But the church put them all to shame
When they turned the other cheek to
3 Institutions burned by some fools,
They planned their own fake revenge
By throwing pig’s heads in the mosques
All for the sake of disruption
To help them justify and carry on their corruption

20.

So where is this victim today
Still being raped everyday
Of people lying and stealing
Yet people still just talking and not doing

Some are there who think they are the superior race
Some are circulating sex tapes round’ our nation
How can one person who gay, screw prostitutes
And still have a say
His wife and daughter still stand strong beside him
Though the light at the end of the tunnel is growing dim

He’s had enough of the raping
And behind him, people support him
For his cause goes beyond money
And far beyond his own glory
We have to stand for the cause not the man,
Cos’ he can be jailed, killed or go insane

Our cause should be for CHANGÉ
For JUSTICE and to be given a wider range
Of vision, opportunities and light
To bring future kids the delight
Of growing up in a nation
Who brought their own transformation

The cause for change will never end
However we should still take the stand
You never know how much they can bend
And how much money the EPF lend!
So they charged some individuals for raping our land
Still their own evil deeds are hidden in the sand

I find it hard to come to one conclusion
But for now we have the right to cause an explosion
To box them out of their place
And screw their weird ideals on RACE!
Cos we already love one another,
Why do we need a stupid slogan to remind us?
About our brothers from another mother

***I have a de-coder to de-code some of the names etc.
email me, sudechabei@gmail.com if you woule like it!***

peace & love
xxx